5 Causes of estrangement

Family members cut ties with each other for a whole number of complex and painful reasons.  Each situation is different.  Here are 5 causes of estrangement illustrated with examples.

1. Unresolved Conflict: Picture this: You and your sibling have a disagreement. Maybe it's about something trivial, like whose turn it is to do the dishes, or maybe it's a deeper issue that's been brewing for years. Either way, the conflict lingers, simmering beneath the surface like a pot left unattended. Without resolution, resentment grows, and before you know it, you're estranged. It's like trying to put out a fire with a bucket of water, only to find that the flames keep reigniting.
   

2. Toxic Dynamics: Toxicity—it's a word that sends shivers down the spine. Whether it's a parent who's overly critical, a sibling who constantly belittles you, or a relative who thrives on drama, toxic dynamics can poison family relationships. Like a corrosive substance, toxicity eats away at trust, love, and respect, leaving behind a trail of broken bonds and shattered hearts. It's like trying to dance in a minefield, tiptoeing around explosive personalities and walking on eggshells to avoid triggering conflict.
   

3. Differing Values or Lifestyles: They say opposites attract, but sometimes, they also repel. As we grow and change, our values, beliefs, and lifestyles may diverge from those of our family members. Maybe you've chosen a career path that your parents disapprove of, or perhaps you've embraced a different set of religious or political beliefs or chose a partner with a different racial and cultural background. These differences can create friction and distance, making it difficult to find common ground and maintain a sense of connection. It's like trying to fit a square peg into a round hole, no matter how hard you push, it just doesn't seem to fit.
   

4. Trauma and Abuse: Behind closed doors, skeletons often lurk. Trauma and abuse—whether it's physical, emotional, or psychological—can cast a long shadow over family relationships. Survivors may choose to distance themselves from their abusers as a form of self-preservation, seeking safety and healing outside the confines of their family unit. It's like breaking free from chains that have bound you for far too long, reclaiming your autonomy and dignity in the process.
   

5. Communication Breakdown: Communication—it's the lifeblood of any relationship. But when communication breaks down or was never great to start with, misunderstandings proliferate, and connections fray. Whether it's a lack of honest dialogue, passive-aggressive behaviour, or outright silence, communication barriers can hinder meaningful connection and drive family members apart. It's like trying to have a conversation in a foreign language, with each party speaking a different dialect and struggling to understand each other's words.

The causes of family estrangement are as varied and complex as the relationships themselves. Whether it's unresolved conflict, toxic dynamics, differing values, trauma and abuse, or communication breakdowns, estrangement can stem from many factors. By recognising and understanding these causes, you can begin to make sense of your own experiences and take steps toward healing and reconciliation.

Remember, you're not alone in this journey, there are people who understand what you’re going through including myself.  There's power in acknowledging your truth and reclaiming your sense of control and well-being.

If this resonates, send me a DM and we can talk about what you’re going through and see how I can help you move forward with strength, purpose and joy.